To my dearest Anestha

To my dearest Anestha,

I wanted to write you a letter, since I am aware of your struggle. I've been keeping up with you these past few weeks and I can tell you're doing your best to keep it all from falling apart. I know you're growing tired, and the deepest part of you is still trying to mend scars that appeared long ago. I wanted to write you so that you would know that you're not alone. You are not invisible.

I know that ever since a few years ago things have been quite hard for you. There have been many changes that have taken place. People and places that have come and gone away. I've seen that you have a hard time with saying goodbye, which is probably why you are so careful about who you get attached to. But today I wanted to tell you that perhaps some things should change.

I think now it's the time to be braver and more vulnerable than ever before. You must love with all your love. When you cry, cry all your tears. And when you believe, believe wholeheartedly.  But for you to be able to do all of this, you have some things to learn and some wounds to clean out. You have to start healing, my love, before you can live life with all the passion that I know dwells within you. I know the fire you carry within. I've seen that beautiful flame burn with a glow unlike anything I've ever seen. It radiates a beauty that unearths mysteries and magic in an ordinary world.  It is a beauty worthy of a king's favor and all the prince's horses. But you must heal, my love,  you must heal.

There are a few opportunities before you right now that could use this healing. I know you're afraid of having to say goodbye once again. I know that while you're afraid, you're also quite independent and fierce in your own way. You'd say goodbye if you had to, even if it teared you apart.  But things have not gotten there yet. There is still hope for renewal. There is still room for love, and that is the key to it all: love.

I may not have all the answers, my dear, but I know beauty and light when I see it. I know what it feels like when you're in the arms of someone who truly loves you. I've know the quiet longing and desperation of unrequited love; and I 've experienced the moments of truth that are presented every day to us. I have known these and the pain of their lack, and so I say to you to seek these things and be glad. Seek love and peace. Seek the warmth of your lover and leave the petty things behind. Love until it drips from your finger tips and springs forth from the ends of your hair locks. You will never regret having done this, even when you're wronged.

Do not worry about those who judge you or look down on you. They cannot and will not understand, at least not at this time. It is not your job to make them understand, but it is your duty to love yourself and believe in who you are. Believe in your convictions. Have faith in your ideas.  Carry them into the world like love letters that have come from afar. Treasure them and believe in the power of the things they have to say. Believe them to be true and real. It doesn't matter if someone else cannot read the language they were written in or if they seem foolish to others. These words were written for you and only you. If you believe in what they have to say, nothing else matters.

So I ask you to let yourself heal, my dearest. Mend those wounds that have caused you so much discomfort all this time. Only them will you be able to offer all the beauty you hold within to those who deserve it.

If you ever get scared, don't run away. Don't hide. Precious metals always come to their purest form in great heat.

Forever yours,
Cristina

You still linger here with me
Like a ghost I keep on shooing away, but just won't leave
And I keep looking for myself in your songs
I look for my face in your words
So I shall wait for my head to tell me,
"Simplicity is the glory of expression."

By all means then, I beg us to be simple.

In my dreams there is a river
Its current going north and south from where I can see
Boat silhouettes with bright lanterns
Are drifting around me

And in these boats are only shadows
Mere dark human forms
At their core they carry flames
A bright force that can be hidden, but not torn

Some carry within them only sparks
Dieing energy fighting to survive
While others carry a flame so rare
It has been said to cause explosions of colors to light up the sky

These flames they look for each other
I remember those days very well
A kindred spark, a twin glow
But I'm at the shore
And these days,
I'm more interested in those who ignite

So I hop from boat to boat
I watch each flame burn
And with every boat I enter,
I know I've left a spark behind
But only to receive another one back
Beauty attracts beauty,
So I find

Yet, it's been a while
And this time I find
Myself looking at a figure across the river,
On the other side

There is no sound,
There are no noises
Just two silhouettes who can't help but enjoy
The existence of each other's glow

My safety is found in the rays of the sun
My safety is in the arms of the autumn breeze
In the light reflecting through the red and yellow leafs

And when I breathe in
It's then my lungs know
That the cool air feels something like home

My home lies up in the mountains
And also down by the shore
I can almost hear the "Welcome back"
With every wave that dissipates
Until it reaches my toes

Yet there's only one place I have found I belong
It's only in your heart my roots grow

I've been waiting here, at the train station, for quite some time now
Seating here by the tracks,
Hoping to hear my name called out as every new train arrives and then eventually departs once again

As a young girl I was told that one day my turn would come
One day I would be summoned into the train
New experiences would then wait ahead
I'm starting to wonder now, though, if those words were correct

I see a lot of people who get on these trains every day
Some more than once,
Others barely arrive only to be called up, much to their surprise
And then there are those who have been here for years,
Only hope exists for them
And as they get older some get bitter,
Others become railroad workers and forget all about their ride on the train
I hear they come to the end of their lives never having heard the call of their name

And so I wonder if I will grow old in this station too
Why are so many going before me?
I've been here longer and behaved better too!
I busy myself, at times, with the games at the lobby
Or sometimes volunteer to help at the front desk
Or make conversation with the others while they wait
Keeping busy, although, all the while with my ears attentive to the sound of my name

I don't want to become angry
I don't want to be bitter either
I just want to know why I feel like I've been forgotten
Why has this gift not been bestowed upon me too?
Have I been doing something wrong or waiting in the wrong lane?

Perhaps my turn will come with the next train

I've got a bag full of questions
They're written in little white folded pieces of paper
And if a bag could hold a portion of the worlds wonder
It'd be right here

Look at me
What do you see?

Show me how I got here
Teach me how each piece of the puzzle,
That makes me up, fits

Why are they all different colors?
Why does the zigzag and the circle click?

And if I know nothing, then won't you take me there?
Take me to that place and show me those things I've yet to see

Show me how it was,
How it is,
How it will be,
And maybe even how it should be

Show me who I am
And how I fit

I love the morning because the world is fresh and new
There are those days where it seems like even though the sun may have risen a million times before, it never has risen like today
That big brilliant balloon filled with light shattered the darkness and chased away the thieves
Giving you enough room so that you can breathe and see clearly

I love the morning because of the silence
The silence that crept in during the night and lingered just long enough to be felt
It's a blank canvas
A sailboat waiting to be directed so that it can direct you

I love the morning because sometimes I imagine not being so alone
Waking up to a friendly face
Warm hugs and breakfast in bed
I can almost see you seating there on the bed
Eating banana pancakes and laughing at the silly things I say

I love the morning because it can speak to you if you listen
Sometimes I can hear it seducing me to step out
To leave this inside world and burst into a thousand pieces
So that I can experience a thousand moments
A thousand emotions
A thousand adventures all at once

But instead, there is only me
With this one moment
One breath to breathe
The possibilities still endless
The journey to take still up to me